It’s been over four years now since a major “trouble” hit our family. It was (is) devastating and the law was involved. We did what we could to offer our help and support and even paid needed attorney fees. And we prayed…my how we prayed.
Although our hearts were broken and our spirits troubled, I felt at the very beginning that God had given me a scripture, “Be still and know that I am God” from Ps. 46:10.
And so we did what we could and we waited. Not so patiently sometimes, and not without a great deal of angst. In the midst of this trouble, I puzzled many times over the scripture I felt had been dropped into my heart. Was there something else I could do? Was there another person I could contact, another letter I could write? If only I knew what more I could do, it would surely make a difference in the outcome.
The case was in the hands of the county prosecutor and for four long years they threatened yet did nothing to bring the situation to a conclusion…no arrest, no warrants…NOTHING but phone calls about once a year. Surely I thought this was all going to go away. “Be still and know that I am God.” I puzzled over how this issue was going to be resolved. Was God going to sweep in and deliver the accused of all wrong-doing? Was He going to soften the heart of the authorities? Was He going to change the law and just make it all go away? “Be still and know that I am God.” That must mean that God is going to do a miracle on behalf of the person who made a bad choice.
In the end that miracle did not happen and, just two weeks ago, the matter has had an outcome that we did not want to see. It could have been worse, but it is still devastating and our family will live with this for the rest of our lives. So many lives affected and so many people hurt.
I admit I was hurt and angry. And yes, I did not understand why God had given me the scripture and then let me down. Why didn’t God solve this problem in the manner that I would have liked to have seen? Did He not speak that verse to my heart and is He not still the God of miracles? Depression set in and questions with no answers chased themselves through my mind on a Mobius circle track. No answers, just an endless circle.
I had not told my brother of the scripture that I felt had been given to me. Yet we were emailing back and forth and yesterday he related to me an incident that happened in his own life many years ago. Here is what he wrote:
“Years ago I was walking down the street. Nothing was going right and everything and everyone seemed to be disintegrating into stupid… I was so frustrated… Then I saw a picture in my head. I will not call it a vision, but it was, to my thinking none-the-less Godly! I was standing on a fault line running from the north pole to the south pole with one foot on either side, trying as best I could to squeeze my legs together to keep the world from splitting apart. The still small voice in the background simply said, “Hard to keep it together isn’t it?” Then there was a pause, as I contemplated the absurdity of the question. Then there are a follow-up – “If I do not do it, you cannot, so stop trying and go home and get some sleep!” I laughed and did as told.
I am still not good at letting things take their own course or letting failure happen, but I am trying to do what I can and then release it to others and to God.”
As I read these words, I had an epiphany of sorts. Perhaps I had misunderstood God. Maybe “Be still and know that I am God” meant just that! Maybe the miracle was that God is in control and I don’t need to be. Maybe I need to learn to trust Him, even when He doesn’t do things the way I would!! Perhaps I need to rest in His presence and know that if He is the one who holds the world together then all my striving and manipulations are not really needed.
This is not a “cop-out” to sit back and do nothing. Nor is it meant to say that God allowed this family tragedy to occur so He could teach me a lesson. It is about learning to trust in the midst of the trial without thinking that I need to solve every problem. Ultimately we do what we can and leave the rest to God. We may not understand, but we can trust. Certainly if God doesn’t do it (whatever “IT” happens to be) then how could I think that I can? It is God that holds the world together, not me standing on the fault line trying to keep it from flying apart. It is God who is in control of situations that we do not understand and cannot change.
I slept last night better than I have in over four years. “Be still and know that I am God.” God is.
